Q&A
Aging Angry
Q&A: Amanda Barusch, Author of Aging Angry
01 What inspired you to write this book?
The short story is that after working for a university for 32 years, I was pushed out of my job. The whole process took about two years. You see, I was a tenured professor. They couldn’t just fire me. So when a new dean was hired, he set out to make my life miserable. I’m surprised at how effective his tactics were. By the end, even I was sometimes persuaded that I was too old to do my job. I was angry, sure, but I was also tremendously unsure. The gaslighting worked. After I retired, I found that I was still angry. I needed an outlet, and I needed to learn about anger. So, what does a recovering academic do? I started a research project and wrote a book.
02 Tell me about the gaslighting.
Before I do, I have to acknowledge that I was tremendously privileged. I held a leadership position running the master’s program. The dean I worked for was completely supportive. I felt confident and capable. I wanted to give back to the college and make a difference in my last act. When “my” dean retired, the University decided it was time to trim the fat. A colleague sent me the recruiting email they sent out. It specifically mentioned unproductive senior faculty as a problem. Sadly, I figured that message didn’t apply to me and deleted it.
Anyway, the gaslighting. The first rule was that I could do nothing right. I wasn’t doing anything differently, but the new dean criticized everything I did. Everything. At first, I thought I was resisting change. But then I realized that most of the changes involved taking away the most meaningful and enjoyable parts of my job - like student advising - and assigning them elsewhere. For me, the coup de gras came when he would - at random moments, like in a hallway or after a meeting - compliment me on my appearance. This was just plain strange, and the incongruence between that and the way he treated me in public added to my confusion.
I interviewed several academics for my book who have had similar experiences with their jobs being re-shaped. I’ve since learned that this is one of the concerns in the Hollywood writer’s strike. It’s called “tiered work.” A job is broken into smaller parts and divided among people who are less well-paid.
03 What was the biggest surprise that came from your research?
I was surprised that so many people genuinely believed that anger is bad for your health. I knew anger could be frightening, but I never thought of it that way. But that was the most common belief about anger that respondents to my internet survey reported.
04 What did you learn about your own anger?
How much of it there was! Really, once I started paying attention, I realized how often little things made me frustrated or angry. Then, when I interrogated the source of my frustration, I often realized that I could just let it go. Sometimes I needed to take action, make change.
I also learned how important it is (and sometimes how hard) to talk with the person who has made me angry. These can be tricky conversations, but they are incredibly valuable. You know, we can’t hide our anger as well as we might imagine. I found that my loved ones were reacting on an instinctive level already. Getting things out in the open tended to defuse the anger and make room for things like...humor and fun.
05 What do you hope readers will take away from this book?
I imagine that each reader will take away something different. For some, the story of Medusa might resonate deeply. Others might be most moved by the arguments of men’s rights activists. The book has a lot of content, and I hope each person will draw what they need from it.
I do hope that readers will take on the knowledge that there’s a cost when we suppress our anger. It may take a toll on our bodies and interfere with our sleep. But it also is an opportunity missed. Once we accept that anger can be a positive force in our lives, we can turn to it and learn what it has to teach us. We can use the energy to accomplish our goals.
06 What do older adults have to be angry about?
I hate to compare generations in terms of who has a greater right to be angry. We all have a right to our anger - even two-year-olds. And older adults are hugely privileged in this country with access to Medicare and Social Security. Again, I think everyone should have access to health insurance and income security. That said, our culture is brutal to those it perceives as old. Older women become invisible. Older men are deprived of the power they once enjoyed. Then our labor practices are simply abysmal when it comes to aging. A person who loses their job in their 50s will - if they’re lucky enough to even get a new job - probably make about a third of what they did before. You might say that’s because the world is changing rapidly and their skills are obsolete. But talented, productive people are pushed out of their jobs simply because they look old. Lisa LaFlame, a Canadian newscaster, is the most vivid example. She was fired when she stopped dying her grey hair.
I find it especially galling when employers complain about a labor shortage. They’re pushing baby boomers out of jobs and then they look around and find that the millennials just aren’t interested. Our educational system needs to adjust to demographic realities. Quit complaining that there aren’t enough students and consider helping my generation retool. Most of us haven’t saved enough to retire comfortably. We’re eager to stay engaged. But we can’t wait for employers to catch on.
07 But are older adults really angry about these macro issues on a day-to-day basis?
Great point! No. In my Internet survey, I asked people to describe a time lately when they had been really angry. Their responses were so interesting. I expected them to say, “COVID.” A few did, but by far the greatest source of anger and frustration for this sample was family. Road rage came in a distant second, followed by US politics and then work. COVID was way down the list. It was mentioned by only 4 percent.
08 Some of the material in your book could be true at any age. What’s unique about anger in late life?
Late life is when all of our habits come home to roost. Because our bodies are more vulnerable, our immune systems less effective the effects of suppressing anger can be more damaging. Also, because of social aging, we are now subject to norms and stereotypes that didn’t affect us when we were younger. So the pressures on us to be “wise,” which means calm and peaceful, are enormous. People tend to dismiss our anger - which only makes us more angry.
But apart from these negative dynamics, older adults bring the skills of a lifetime to the equation. Those of us who are retired also have more freedom than when we were young. So, once we get a handle on things, we are well-equipped to channel our anger in ways that are creative and productive.
09 What is social aging?
Social aging happens when we start to look old to others. Their responses to us change and, in our interactions with them, we get messages and prohibitions we weren’t exposed to before. Social aging happens whenever someone tells us we’re “too old” to do something and we accept it. That’s the dangerous part—when we internalize it and start reshaping our lives around what others expect of us.
10 Why do you say repressed anger is dangerous?
There’s been some research on this topic. Multiple studies have found an association between internalized anger (they call it “anger-in”) and cardiovascular vulnerabilities (like increased blood pressure). In a related finding, Laura Glynn at UC Irvine found that rumination is also associated with elevated blood pressure (“allostatic load”). To me, this emphasizes the importance of dealing with it and letting it go. Then, In 2012 Jameson Hirsch (Tennessee State) found that suppressed anger was associated with an increased risk of self-harm.
11 What led you to write about mass murderers?
Mass murder is the ultimate expression of rage and despair. It’s scary and, at least in the US, it’s a growing epidemic. I think the extreme violence of our times makes us frightened - rightly so. When I’m afraid of something, my response is first to freeze and then to look at it very carefully. In this chapter, I look at mass murder by older adults very carefully. . And I was surprised to learn that the biggest mass murder (so far) in US history was committed by a man in his 60s. (Las Vegas, October 2017, Stephen Paddock, left 60 dead and over 400 wounded.)
12 You published a book about love a few years ago. Is this book a sequel?
Ha! I didn’t think of it that way when I was writing it, but this book is similar. Both focus on emotions that we don’t ordinarily expect in later life, both draw from surveys and interviews, and both draw upon my own experiences. So yes. I guess it is a sort of a sequel. I like to think it’s better.
